I was going to update on Friday, but I hadn’t lost any weight and I hadn’t done anything interesting enough to waste your time with, so I held off for a while. Monday I was upstate and yesterday was just a bad day- So here I am, taking time out of my busy Wednesday (and by busy I mean my tight schedule of watching Hemlock Grove and looking at photos of cats and Benedict Cumberbatch on Tumblr) to talk about my diet progress and weigh in.
I’m down two pounds, which has to be some kind of miracle since my diet has been fairly atrocious the last few days. I spent the weekend nibbling on everything in my fridge, and on Monday I had a giant iced caramel macchiato from Starbucks. Yesterday I indulged in a full English breakfast, and- Yeah. Not good. I’ve been the worst dieter ever.
You know what though? I’m not sure I care. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I want to lose weight, but I could live with losing two pounds a week. Sure, it might take a lot longer to reach my goal, but- I don’t know. I hate punishing myself to be thin. I just can’t help but wonder if it’s really the life changer I think it is. Don’t get me wrong, I walk past clothing racks sometimes and long to fit into that pretty shirt or summer dress without feeling like a fatty, but that dress or top isn’t going to make my life better, is it?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still eager to change some of my eating habits, god knows my relationship with food isn’t exactly a healthy one, but maybe it needs to be less of a major focus in my life. I mean, I’m a hot mess, it’s not like my weight is my biggest/only problem.
I do, however, need to get more exercise. I’m just not doing enough and it’s not just showing on my waistline, it’s also making it harder to drag myself out of this rut I’ve been in since my father passed on. I don’t live in an area where just going for a walk feels like an option (and even if it was I think I’d feel weird just wandering around), my treadmill is old as dirt and ready to die, my workout bike has a wonky peddle, and joining a gym is expensive and frankly emotionally unsettling for me. I don’t want people watching me work out. I know that’s such a stupid hang up to have, but I don’t. People are judge-y as fuck (I know this- being a person myself and all), and I already judge myself hard enough, thanks, I don’t need everyone else joining in.
Someone told me I should try at home Zumba or whatever, but I think they may have been overestimating my coordination and dancing abilities. I’ve tried the dance along workouts before and I am awful at them. I’m just not graceful at all. I’m the kind of girl who trips over air, okay? There’s not much chance of me salsa-ing gracefully around my living room. Not without breaking things (possibly my legs).
Yeah, I know, I’m bitching and whining when I should be doing something, and I will- I promise. No doubt I’ll get offline and drag myself to the mall for an hour, because at least then I’m walking, but I miss getting a real work out. Maybe it’s time to invest in a new bike. A good one this time, not the Walmart special.
Today’s meal plan is pretty boring. Breakfast was an egg white and cheese omelet (200 calories), Lunch is going to be a can of gluten free lite clam chowder (another 200 cal). I’ll probably have Cheetos as a snack (2 servings, let’s be real here), and dinner is going to be home made turkey tacos I think.
I made the mistake of buying gelato the other day, so dessert is inevitable… That brings today’s calories up to approximately 1,558.
Not too bad. I can live with that.